


PrincessAmerica Presents: The Ethical Adventures of GamerGate! A PrincessAmerica Production. From the Author of "Supper Smash Bros.: Mishonh From God".

by PrincessAmerica



Category: GamerGate RPF, Internet Personalities, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Ethics, Game Journalism, Other, PrincessAmerica 4 Literally Who Number Whatever, The Jig Is Up, The News Is Out, They Finally Found Me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-06 11:10:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3132317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessAmerica/pseuds/PrincessAmerica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of one-shots featuring prominent members of the oh-so-noble-and-righteous "consumer revolt" known as GamerGate. As you may expect, this story is 100% about ethics in video game journalism. Would I lie to you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eron Gjoni's Proportionate Response

**Author's Note:**

> So, I think it's time for me to retire from the fanfic trolling game. I'll be turning thirty this year and my Christmas present from my girlfriend was an engagement ring, so the two of us will soon be settling down, starting a family, and defiling the sanctity of marriage with our evil homosexuality. Basically, I'm getting too old for this shit.
> 
> But I don't want to just stop writing and go quietly away, especially when a golden opportunity presents itself. I've been using video game fanfiction (and one anime fanfic) to play a satire of conservatives for two years, and, right now, all the conservatards in video games have been gathered under one banner, ripe for the mocking. And don't bother with the "Political Compass says we're left-wing" bullshit I've been seeing. If internet tests were accurate measures of reality, I'd have an IQ of 200 and my "Backstreet Boyfriend" would be Kevin. Also, they're diluting the term "SJW". It used to refer to genuine nutjobs like the otherkin on Tumblr or that CancelColbert chick, but now it's everyone who doesn't treat /pol/ and Stormfront as gospel. I've tackled GamerGate before (In the Author's Note for Chapter 27 of "Mishan Forum God"), but I think it's horrible enough to deserve a mocking that would not be possible if I remained "in-character". 
> 
> One of my heroes, Joss Whedon, compared GamerGate to terrorism. If that's the case, then, as the saying goes:
> 
> "Terrorists, your game is through, 'cause now you have to answer to... (Princess)America! Fuck Yeah!"

It was an day like any other, in that Eron Gjoni was off to violate his restraining order. He knew that Zoe Quinn would be at the grand premiere of Michael Bay's Gone Home: The Movie in San Francisco (of course) and Eron had taken a plane ride from wherever the fuck he lives to there. However, along the way he was caught in traffic and didn't make it to the premiere until it was already over and everyone had gone to the after party to talk about their feelings and collude to make sure Depression Quest 2: Electric Boogaloo got 10/10 from everywhere except for a few blogs run by  ~~crazy nutjobs~~  noble, ethical journalists who did not bow before the PC Police.

When he got to the after party, he was forced to sign in and put on a nametag by the guard at the door. Then, when he got inside the party, a more competent security guard recognized his name and immediately threw him out onto the streets. Eron was outraged by how that security guard had victimized him, so outraged that he did not even watch where he was walking and bumped into some random dude.

"You dare bump into ME?!" Eron Gjoni said.

"Sorry about that, man. I'm John Smith," the random dude said. He extended his hand and looked at the nametag that Eron was still wearing, "and you must be Eron Gij... Goj... I'm sorry, but how do you pronounce your last name?"

"You mock my surname, ingrate? You shall rue this day!" Eron Gjoni ran off to get his revenge.

A few days later, the generically-named John Smith returned home from work.

"Honey, I'm home!" he called out for his wife. But there was no response, "Honey? Kids?"

He searched his house for his family, only to find them tied up inside the den, with the computer chair turned so that the back was facing the doorway.

"Hello, John" the person in the chair said.

"Who... who are you?" John Smith said, "Look, if you want money there's a safe in the bedroom just leave my family alone!"

"Don't worry, I do not want your money. Nor do I wish to harm your family. I just want to show you the fruits of my vengeance," the chair spun around to reveal Eron Gjoni, holding a newspaper, which he handed to John.

"Serial Killer On The Loose. Countless Dead," John Smith read the headline, "Are you the killer? Why are you killing innocent people?"

"There's one thing all the dead people had in common. They all had 'Smith' as their last name. Your children's children shall grow up in a world where 'Smith' is viewed as an odd last name worthy of mockery. Also, I called the police. They should be here soon to arrest you for assaulting and bullying me the other day," Eron said.

As if on cue, the police burst into the house... and pointed tasers at Eron Gjoni.

"Eron Jumanji or whatever, you are under arrest for multiple counts of premeditated homicide. You have the right to remain silen..." one of the officers said.

"Wait! Why are you arresting me? I'm the victim here!" Eron Gjoni ran away and leapt out a window, "regardless, try as you might, you foolish police will never catch The Great Eron Go... Jo... now that you mention it, how do you pronounce my last name?"

While Eron was pondering how his Lovecraftian word scramble of a surname was pronounced, an officer that was waiting outside easily tackled him to the ground. Eron Gjoni knew that he would need to be begging for even more money to cover his legal fees from then on.

 


	2. CHAP 2: A EXCREMENT FRUM GAMORGAET BUK BYE MELO YANOPLIS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I return to my standard writing style to discuss one of my favorite members of GamerGate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, as you may have guessed already, I'm probably not going to be updating this on a daily basis like I did with my previous stories. Originally, I planned to have my second chapter have to do with Adam Baldwin, the washed-up conservative actor who coined the term "GamerGate", because my first chapter was about the founder of the movement. However, most of the ideas I had for his chapter would fit better with a certain lawyer who I will get to in some later chapter, and then I went on a date with my fiancee last night. We got to talking about my latest story, and she reminded me about a thing that someone else said. Specifically, Breitbart writer and GamerGate supporter Milo Yiannopolous in his review of Dragon Age: Inquistion. Which I will not link directly because that could theoretically be seen as a call for harassment, but if you want to read it yourself it should be easy enough to find. Please do not bother Mr. Yiannopolous, however. Even if he is a douche.
> 
> For those of you who don't know, Milo is basically a male, British version of my character Sara Osborne. By which I mean he's a virulently homophobic moron who happens to be gay himself. And, like her, he randomly went on a tirade against lesbians when he was discussing a video game. Doing more research, I found he plans to write a book about GamerGate. So, given the fact that he's basically a male version of my troll character, I figure I can capture the essence of approximately what will be the intelligence level of his book with this fake excerpt.

CHAP 2: EXCREMENT FRUM GAMEGAT BOK BUY MLIO YAMPOLICE

Mallow Yinyangs wuz in his orifice at Bretbarf Londen wen sudanly a dore to Hell opaned up and teh hgost off Androo Bribark came.

"TEH FEMANASTS R INVADEN 2 DISTROY VIDO GAMS! ONELY U CAN STOP THAM" Androo Brettfavre gost sed.

"Ono!" sed Miley. Than Satin came and drag Androo Bratwurst gost bak 2 Hell.

Melee riped of his shit and reveled taht he wuz reely teh supper hero Miloyiannopolousman.

"I hav 2 saev vido gaems!" sed Milfo. He flayed ot the wido and in2 the skis off Londan so he cold see teh femanasts cumen. 

"Saev us Miloyiannopolousman!" sed sum gamars. Milli loked and sawed taht femanasts wer taken teh vido gaems frum gamars and replas tham with vidos off lesban stuf!

"I muts stop thes! butt hao?" sed Milieu. He noed he had 2 fine teh ledar off femanizum and son he fond a jiant lizord persan who wuz laffen evully.

"Evul lizord r u teh ledar of femanasts?" sed Nilo.

"Yes Ia m! Im aslo Zoids Queen and Aneta Sharkesan and Breena Woo becuz Im evul shap-shitten lizord!" sed teh lizord persan.

"I wil stap u!" sed Mullah. He shat lazors at teh femanest leder lizord butt it didant werk.

"Im 2 powarfel 4 u!" sed femanest ledar "joyne me Mlio and I wil mak ur jurnalizum teh greetest in vido gams or eels u wil dye!"

"Gess agen!" sed Mofo. Than he went supper sayen!

"Ono!" sed femanast ledur.

"KAMEHAMEHA!!!" sed Malo and he kild teh femanest lizord ledar and than all teh otter femanasts falled ovar ded 2. Than teh gosts off Roneld Ragen and Margrat Thachur came frum Hell.

"Ass it is writan, u Milio r teh hero off vido gaems!" teh gosts sed.

"I wan!" sed Melo. Than Satin came agen. 

"WTF hao do u pepole kep escapen?" Satin sed. He draged Raygun and Thachor bak 2 Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, and Milo, about the "rescue cat" thing, the only one coughing up hairballs around my place is my fiancee.


	3. The Tsundere Effect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a special three-for-one deal this time around! Sorry about the wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I suppose it's time I admit it. I admire Anita Sarkeesian. I mean, I disagree with a lot of what she says, and most of what I do agree with her on is stuff that's so obvious that she really shouldn't have needed to make a video about it, but that's entirely beside the point. The point is that she makes bland videos on Youtube that are about as worthy of getting outraged over as the average episode of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Also, if she had been left alone from the start, she may or may not have reached her six thousand dollar initial goal, and then would have made a few videos that would have gotten maybe a thousand hits or so each before vanishing into the void of millions of videos on Youtube. However, her videos have this ability to inspire butthurt in people that I cannot begin to understand. She causes grown men in their forties (like at least one of the guys who will appear in this chapter. I don't know the ages of the other two) to throw temper tantrums that would be immature for someone one tenth their age. I do not envy the rape and death threats that her most zealous haters sent her, but I do find it very impressive how she was able to ride that wave of manchild tears and got to meet Stephen Colbert, Joss Whedon, Notch, Felicia Day, and even the Game Grumps (and plenty of other really cool people). And, to people who say she's going to use her feminism to destroy video games, I'll repeat: she. makes. Youtube. videos. The companies (such as Intel) who work with her do so of their own accord, and she has no authority to make anyone do anything she says. I mean, I may not make Youtube videos, but there are enough dramatic readings to Mishonh From God on Youtube that, if Anita has power over the game industry, then so do I. So, as Supreme Empress of Video Games, I order that a new Chrono Trigger game be made immediately, that Rare and Microsoft give Nintendo the rights to all of Rare's old characters from the N64 era so they can be put in games that don't suck, and that every copy of Metroid: Other M be immediately rounded up, loaded into a space probe, and launched into the sun. Also, I want to be able to decide the final roster of every future Smash Bros. game. Now, if all my demands are met, then I guess people may have genuine reasons to worry about Anita Sarkeesian.
> 
> As for the three I will be mocking this chapter, two of them are the people behind a (yet-to-be-released) documentary called "The Sarkeesian Effect", which, despite apparently requiring fifteen thousand dollars per month to make, has a video quality in its teaser trailers comparable to the videos I made with my parents' camcorder in the mid-nineties. When I was around ten years old. These two guys, Jordan Owen and Davis Aurini, are interesting people. Owen has more than fourteen hours worth of anti-Sarkeesian ramblings on his Youtube account, because it's completely normal and healthy to record more than half a day worth of rants because a woman wanted to have an opinion. Aurini is a neo-monarchist, which basically means he wants society to return to a time when a king had absolute power over everyone. Also, he has this weird thing for plastic skulls. I mean, he almost always has one on camera with him no matter what. One of those two (most people I've seen discuss it say Owen said it, but Aurini's RationalWiki article attributes the quote to him) said at one point that he analyzed changes in the curvature of Anita's smile over time to show she was "learning to act white". Well, first of all, she's obviously white already as anyone can tell. Second of all, I don't know what that argument would be trying to prove besides that the person making the argument was a racist (and also really creepy). It just goes to show you, no matter how insane I tried to make my troll character, there are still real life people who are even nuttier.
> 
> The third focus of this chapter is Thunderf00t, a popular Youtube atheist whose views on womens' rights are quite similar to the most radical cleric in Saudi Arabia. He, naturally, also throws temper tantrums about Anita Sarkeesian quite frequently and spends far more time whining about feminism these days than mocking religious fundamentalists. Though, with his views on social issues, I honestly don't understand what his big problem with religious fundamentalists is. He and they are quite similar once you get past the whole "whether or not some divine being exists" thing.
> 
> Anyway, this note is getting pretty long (to the point of approaching the character limit), so let's get on with the story.

Chapter 3: The Tsundere Effect

It was a bright and sunny day when Jordan Owen got out of bed. He had be analyzing changes in the curvature of Anita Sarkeesian's smile for years, and now he felt like it was finally the day when Sarkeesian would notice him. But first he had to tell his pal Davis Aurini where he would be. He went up to the attic of their house and opened the door, causing Aurini to hiss when the light hit him and drop the live squirrel he had in his mouth. The bald monarchist retreated to a dark corner of the attic and resumed caressing his plastic skull.

"My preciousssss," he said.

"Guess what, Dave!" Owen said, "I think today is the day when Anita-Senpai will finally notice me!"

Aurini continued caressing the skull and ignored Owen completely. Owen returned to his room and changed out of his pajamas and into his best anime schoolgirl outfit. If you have any idea what Jordan Owen looks like, you will now never be able to unsee that image. You're welcome.

Then, he went outside and yelled to the world: "Look out, world! Anita-Senpai is about to notice me!"

"Why is that strange man yelling at the sky, mommy?" a young boy standing on the sidewalk asked.

"That's what we call an 'crazy person', Billy," the boy's mother said, "don't make eye contact with him."

"OK, Mom," Billy said.

"Ha! You think Anita-Senpai is going to notice  _you_?" a voice called out from the roof of a nearby house.

"Thunderf00t!" Owen said. The youtube atheist was also wearing  _his_ best anime schoolgirl outfit, which you will  _also_ never unsee.

"Mommy, there's another strange man on the roof of our house," Billy said, "is he a 'crazy person', too?"

"Yes, Billy," Billy's mom said, "now stay close to Mommy while she calls the cops."

Thunderf00t leapt from the rooftop and approached Jordan Owen.

"Because, if you've really been following what Anita-Senpai has been doing, you'd know that today is the day that she will notice  _me_ ," he said.

The two internet misogynists stared each other down for several seconds before breaking into a sprint towards where they knew Anita Sarkeesian would be, since they both had been meticulously following her schedule for years. They ran towards downtown where Sarkeesian would be getting her morning coffee from Stardoes, which is like Starbucks only feminazi-er. When they reached the parking lot, Jordan Owen noticed that Thunderf00t was starting to gain ground. So he tripped him and ran through the door of the coffee shop where Sarkeesian was at the front of the line.

"Yes, I'd like my usual," she told the barista.

"One misandry mocha with an extra shot of male tears coming up, Anita," the barista replied before getting to work.

"Ha!" Owen said "I've found you at last!"

"Um... who are you?" Sarkeesian asked.

"Uh... you... you are an evil... evil feminazi who wants to b-ban video games," Owen said.

Meanwhile, outside, Thunderf00t rose to his feet.

"By the power of Atheist God!" He charged forward and burst through the window of Stardoes before doing some midair flips and landing next to Sarkeesian and Owen.

"You... you are a con artist! Like that one time you s-said that you could kill prostitutes in Hitman, which is true b-but actually the game makes you lose points for it. And... and... that's totally not the only example I have," Thunderf00t said.

"I'll ask again," Anita Sarkeesian said, "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE?!"

"We... we're people who dedicate our l-lives to exposing that you... you are a horrible person," Thunderf00t said.

"Yeah! It's not like we l-like you or anything... b-baka," Owen said.

"So, obsessive stalkers?" Sarkeesian said, "figures. SECURITY!"

Almost instantly, some huge, muscular security guards grabbed Jordan Owen and Thunderf00t and threw them through the hole where the window that Thunderf00t broke used to be. As the two men rose to their feet, Jordan Owen got a call on his phone.

"Hello, are you Jordan Owen?" the person on the other end of the line said.

"Yes I am," Owen said.

"Yeah, you were listed as the emergency contact for one 'Davis Aurini'. We took him in at the hospital just now," the other person said. Jordan Owen left Thunderf00t to get arrested for trespassing and vandalism while he went to the hospital to see Aurini. When he got there, he was lead into a room where a woman was waiting and Aurini was thrashing around on a stretcher.

"What's wrong with him?" Owen asked.

"Well, first of all, he has a plastic skull firmly attached to his penis. It seems he tried to have sex with it..."

"That sounds like Dave!" Owen said.

"... and, since he's been here, he's been thrashing around like this. We believe he might be having an epileptic seizure," the woman said, slightly annoyed at being interrupted.

"No, I'm sure it's actually because you put him in the same room as that guy," Owen said, pointing to the black man in the other bed in the room, who was still passed out following his surgery.

"Oh, I see," the woman was clearly trying her hardest not to grimace at Aurini's blatant racism, "well, in that case, removing the plastic skull from his penis should be pretty simple."

"That's great! Now, nurse, you should probably go get the doctor so that he can do this operation and we can be on our way," Owen said.

"Um... I  _am_ the doctor," the woman said.

"CURSE YOU ANITA-SENPAI!!!" Jordan Owen shouted at the ceiling.

"What?! A decadent sssslutsss isss going to operatessss on usss, precioussss?" Aurini briefly stopped thrashing around over being in the same room as a black person to say.

"You know what? Now that I think about it, we might need to amputate," the doctor said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally managed to finish this one. I had it half done and saved for several days now, but then life got in the way (even if my fiancee and I probably aren't going to have our wedding until next year, a lot of planning goes into this. Especially since we both have a very girly side deep down and have our own visions of a "dream wedding" that we need to mesh with each other's and our budget). Hopefully, there aren't any week-long gaps between future updates.
> 
> Also, for more info on Jordan Owen and Davis Aurini, check out this hilarious video. One of my major causes of writer's block was my inability to mock them any better than this guy did: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsdIHK8O5yo
> 
> Also, Daveykins, if you ever stumble upon this story while narcissistically googling your own name (I can totally see Aurini doing that), when you say that women these days are "the most decadent sluts since the fall of Rome", do you mean the fall of the Western Roman Empire or the fall of the Eastern Roman Empire? Because there's nearly a thousand-year gap in between them and I just want to get a good idea of how decadent of a slut I am. I hope it's the Western Roman Empire, because that means that I shattered a record that had been held since around 472 AD.


	4. Roguestar's Lemonade Scam... I Mean Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the most prominent harassers in GamerGate reflects on why he hates feminists so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised that I wouldn't have another week-long break in between updates, but my life is very busy right now. I'm sure you understand. Though, admittedly, the fact that I've been using the free time I do have to play Wind Waker HD on my Wii U probably had a lot to do with why this update is so late, but I beat that game now (it was a lot easier than the Gamecube version, especially in regards to getting figurines for the Nintendo Gallery. I don't know whether to be glad that these frustrating things were fixed or sad that completing them didn't feel like as much of an accomplishment as back in the day). Maybe if I don't make a promise for frequent updates again, I'll be able to actually make this a once-every-few-days thing like I intended it to be.
> 
> As for the update itself, I've decided to focus this time on RogueStarGamez, an individual known mostly for his Twitter presence, which he uses mostly to harass people. He's been banned from Twitter many times for harassment, and each time a whole bunch of Gamergaters treat him as a martyr and cry about how he was censored. But Gamergate totally condemns harassment u guyz!!!111!! 
> 
> This, of course, brings me to a semi-related note: getting banned from somewhere on the internet isn't censorship and isn't a violation of your rights. "Freedom of Speech" doesn't mean that every website on the internet is forced to host whatever bullshit you put there. If you invited me into your home and I proceeded to go into your bedroom and take a huge shit on your pillow, would I have a right to complain about your poor hospitality if you immediately ask me to leave? I mean, even if GamerGaters start spam-reporting this story and try to ban me from here like they tend to do whenever someone says anything negative about them anywhere and Archive of Our Own caves to their demands, I'll just start hosting this somewhere else instead (and be reminded that I hope it doesn't rain on my wedding day). I've actually satirized the "banning people from your website is censorship" mindset when I got banned from Fanfiction.net by having "Sara" whine about it and blame some big, liberal, Obama-led conspiracy to silence her (for the record, my actual views on my ban from Fanfiction.net are that I found it kind of hilarious that, despite how many of their rules I flagrantly violated, it still took them a full month to kick me out and remove the original Mishonh From God. It does kinda suck that they tend to remove the hilarious commentaries people make about my stories, but, eh, their site, their rules. Also, I wish I had the foresight to save all the reviews that Mishonh From God got there before it was deleted). Remember, people: My troll character was meant to be a self-absorbed, self-entitled moron, not someone to be emulated.
> 
> Back to RogueStar, on top of constantly harassing people on Twitter, he has another claim to fame. I'm sure you've heard the argument from Sarkeesian-haters that she's a "scam artist" because she made a Kickstarter where she said she'd make videos... and proceeded to make videos. Well, RogueStar had a Kickstarter of his own awhile back, for a game he was making called "FleetCOMM". When his Kickstarter goal was reached, he promised that FleetCOMM would be completed and released some time in 2012. It's now 2015, and can anyone guess whether or not FleetCOMM has been released yet? If you put every hipster on the planet in one room, the amount of irony in that room wouldn't even begin to approach one tenth the amount of irony in GamerGate.

Chapter 4: RogueStar's Lemonade Scam... I Mean Stand

Lots of GamerGate members had their own reasons to hate feminism: whether it was because girls constantly rejected them in high school, the tendency for women to vote more left-wing than men, or just because "Eww! Yucky girl cooties!". One GamerGater, RogueStarGamez, had his own reason, though, and it went back many years.

When RogueStar was a small child, he had a great idea of how to make some money. Like many children do, he set up a lemonade stand on one of the local streets and waited for customers. He was angry when no one immediately flocked to his lemonade stand, unaware that the fact that it was three in the morning may have had something to do with that. He sat there for five hours without a single customer coming by. Then it happened.

On the other side of the street, three girls set up a stand of their own. Little RogueStar immediately recognized them as members of the local Misandrist Scout troop. A few minutes later, a random adult walked past the Misandrist Scouts' stand.

"Hello," one of the girls said, "I'm Little Zoe Quinn and these are my friends Little Anita Sarkeesian and Little Brianna Wu. Would you like to buy some Misandrist Scout Cookies?"

"Sure thing," the customer said. They bought a box of cookies and went on their merry way. This made Little RogueStar angry. He had been out there for five hours without a single customer, and then these girls got one within minutes.

"Scam artists! You filthy whores are scam artists!" Little RogueStar said, "you said you were selling cookies and then you made people give you money in exchange for cookies! You scammers!"

"Um... can you leave us alone, please?" Little Brianna Wu said.

"Why? Do you want me to stop exposing you vile bitches for the scam artists you are?!" Little RogueStar said.

"Come on, let's go somewhere else," Little Anita Sarkeesian said. The three little literally whos took apart their cookie stand and went to go set it up on some other street.

"What?! How dare you censor me!?" Little RogueStar said, "by refusing to stay here and let me yell at you, you are violating my first amendment rights!"

Little RogueStar stayed at his lemonade stand, sulking in rage. How dare those filthy scam artist bitch-whores censor him?! However, his luck changed when he finally got a customer.

"Hello there, little boy, are you running a lemonade stand?" the customer said.

"Yes," Little RogueStar said.

"Well, that's great. I sure am thirsty!" the customer handed Little RogueStar some money.

"Uh... actually, I'm out of lemonade right now. I need to go make more," Little RogueStar said, "can you come back later?"

"Um... OK. I'll be back after I get off work," Little RogueStar's customer said.

Many years later, as he was creating yet another Twitter account after being banned for harassment for the nine thousandth time, RogueStar was reflecting on that censorship he faced at the hands of those feminazi scam artists when he was a child. Suddenly, he heard his mom calling from upstairs.

"Roguey-poo! The lemonade guy is back. He says that he's really starting to doubt that you'll ever actually give him the lemonade he paid for," RogueStar's mom said.

"TELL HIM TO COME BACK TOMORROW! I'LL HAVE IT FOR HIM THEN!" RogueStar yelled up from the basement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel as though I need to clarify something in this chapter: I'm well aware that the vast majority of GamerGaters aren't opposed to feminism because girls rejected them in high school. After all, it's hard for middle-schoolers to be bitter about high school.
> 
> Another thing I should probably clarify is my stance on feminism, since it's kind of the elephant in the room due to the fact that GamerGate is, at its core, part of the anti-feminist movement. I do not consider myself a feminist, but not because of some bullshit like "feminists don't stand for real equality! I'm an egalablahblah!" That line of thinking is just a cover that anti-feminists push to make it look like their objections to feminism aren't rooted in misogyny (I'm gonna save you the trouble of trying to refute my point by pointing out examples of women who say they're "egalitarian not feminist" by pointing out that the argument that women can't be misogynistic is bullshit. If it wasn't, absolutely no one would have fallen for my "Sara" character once she started spewing her "women must obey men and cook and clean and whatever" rhetoric, which started when Link said "yea wereman and your a women so lissen to us" in Chapter 2 of my first story and was portrayed as being right in Sara's eyes. If you think Sara doesn't count because she is a character that I created, then just look up "Female Misogynist" on TVTropes, or look up "Phyllis Schlafly" on Wikipedia if you want a concrete, real-world example) . 
> 
> However, despite that rant, why don't I identify as a feminist? Well, I'm not really an activist for anything. Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of getting rid of the bullshit that my fiancee, myself, my mother, my sister, and the vast majority of other women have to face for our gender, but I'm going to leave all that fighting for it to others. I'm just a mean-spirited bitch who makes fun of stupid people. In fact, if feminists had their way and there was no more misogyny, I would lose a great fount of stupidity to laugh at. 
> 
> Also, many of the things I do aren't things that feminists would want me to do. I judge women based on their appearance a lot, which is a huge feminist no-no (for example, when I first met the woman who would become fiancee, my thoughts were along the lines of "she's hot. I want to fuck her." Valuing her for her personality and falling in true love didn't come until we had been dating for awhile. And, honestly, if she wasn't attractive, I probably would have never even paid attention to her). I also toss words around like "bitch", "whore", and "cunt" (granted, all three I use to describe myself and almost never other women, but actual feminists would still object to that "almost" part) And, lastly, lots of feminists would object to the sheer amount of rape in the Mishonh From God stories, even if my point was satirizing right-wing paranoia that all homosexuals are out to rape all straight people and "recruit" them to the "gay agenda" (as a human resources manager, I recruit people for something far worse: the retail industry!). So, yeah, it's pretty clear that I mean it when I say I'm not a feminist. 
> 
> However, anti-feminists are stupid, right-wing assholes with a tendency to get outraged over nothing far more than the "radfems" they accuse of doing the same, so they are great targets for mockery (also, I hate conservatives in general and delight in their misery). Some of my favorite anti-feminists are ones who think that they are left-wing (and thus, ones that will certainly get butthurt by me calling them right-wing). If they'd read my previous stories, they'd probably think that Sara is nothing like them at all, even though deep down they're quite similar (and not just because they're both right-wing idiots): Sara hides her blatant homosexuality beneath very unconvincing affirmations that she is "NOT A LESBAN", while this brand of anti-feminist hides their blatant conservatism by talking about how much they hate America's Republican Party, Britain's UKIP and Tories, Canada's Conservative Party, Australia's ironically-named Liberal Party, or whatever the right-wing political party or parties of their home country are. And they are completely unaware that their claims of being left-wing are about as convincing as Sara's claims of heterosexuality.


	5. Alex Jones. That is all.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex Jones supports GamerGate. I don't think I need more of a summary than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took nearly a month. My fiancee came down with pneumonia, so naturally taking care of her was a priority over writing this, and then, right when she got better, there was Valentine's Day. Also, the day before Valentine's Day, Majora's Mask 3D was released. Unlike Gaters, I actually play video games rather than spending all my time whining about feminism on the internet, so Majora's Mask has been eating up a lot of my time.
> 
> But, if anything, the delay ended up being worth it. I had a hard time deciding which person related to GamerGate I should cover next. However, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. I mean, uh... Holy shit, Alex Jones supports GamerGate! I found this out the other day and have yet to stop laughing as a result. For those of you who don't know who Alex Jones is, he is a famous right-wing conspiracy theorist best summed up by this RationalWiki quote: "Alex Emerick Jones (born February 11, 1974) is a far right radio personality who never met a conspiracy theory he didn't like. He is one of the very few people to make Glenn Beck look sane and rational in comparison. That is all you really need to know about him." For those of you who were fans of my previous stories, often times, when looking for something stupid for "Sara" to believe in my trollfics, Alex Jones was the go-to source for material. That should tell you the level of crazy we're dealing with here. I would like to hope that this will finally cause GG to admit that they're a right-wing conspiracy movement, but if having Breitbart, the American Enterprise Institute, and Adam "What hard evidence is there that Obama doesn't want Ebola in America?" Baldwin on their side didn't already do that, I highly doubt that even the support of Alex Jones will get them to admit that they're not as left-wing as a dumb internet test says that they are.

Chapter 6: Alex Jones, that is all.

Satan was reading Kotaku, the way he starts every morning, reveling in the SJW control of the site.

"Yes! Soon all video games will be forced to positively portray women or risk getting docked a point or two in their review scores, which totally should matter to people," he said, "as the Supreme Lord of All Evil, I support this for some reason."

Suddenly, his chief apprentice, President Barack Obama, walked in.

"Barack, what did I say about interrupting me while I'm reading unethically left-wing video game journalism?" Satan said.

"Apologies, my lord and master, but there is an urgent matter related to the New World Order that you need to be made aware of," Obama said.

"What is it?" Satan asked.

"It seems that Alex Jones has come out in support of GamerGate. With his intellect combined with theirs, they might uncover everything we have been planning," Obama said.

"Curses! We've tried to use our chemtrails and fluoride to wipe the mind of that insolent Alex Jones for years, but he is way too smart and handsome for us. He's even been able to avoid the black helicopters we sent to take him to a FEMA death camp," Satan said, "and now he's teamed up with GamerGate, the movement full of cool and attractive people who probably have lots of sex and have already done so much to foil my plans to ruin video game journalism in just a few months! Bring me Anita immediately!"

"Yes, Lord Satan," Obama said. The President left and returned shortly, accompanied by Anita Sarkeesian.

"You wish to speak with me, my lord?" Sarkeesian said, kneeling before Satan.

"Yes, Anita. It seems that our plan to stick feminism into video games is in danger of failing. I need you to send about five thousand more fake threats to yourself, because, as we both know, every single threat you've ever received was a false flag," Satan said, "the LIE-beral media will eat this up."

"An excellent suggestion, my lord," Sarkeesian said. 

"Also, your favorite color is now orange," Satan said, because, as a woman, Anita Sarkeesian obviously didn't have any opinions if a man didn't give them to her. GamerGate, being the clever individuals they are, had picked up on this, and even knew it was Satan giving her opinions to her (Though they knew the Devil by his human name, John McIntosh).

"Yes, my lord," Sarkeesian said.

Suddenly, the door burst open and Alex Jones charged in leading an army of GamerGaters.

"YOUR DAYS OF NAZI-COMMUNIST RULE OVER THIS GREAT NATION ARE OVER!!!" Jones said, as calmly as he was capable of being.

Satan, Obama, and Sarkeesian were captured by the GamerGate army and Alex Jones was immediately sworn in as President of the United States. Ronald Reagan rose from the grave and helped GamerGaters drive all media outlets critical of them out of business. President Alex Jones immediately passed a new law that protected the first amendment by having anyone who ever voices a feminist opinion arrested and thrown in prison for the rest of their life, and America was once again the glorious nation that the Founding Fathers wanted it to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be fair to Alex Jones, I have this amusing anecdote: When Michelle Malkin wrote a book defending the Japanese-American Internment of World War II, Jones rightfully called her a monster. Contrast that with self-proclaimed Asian-American rights activist Suey Park, who willingly allowed Malkin to support her on her "CancelColbert" campaign. Yes, Alex Jones is a better activist for Asian-Americans than Suey Park. As a Japanese-American woman who is a huge fan of Stephen Colbert (I'm sure everyone here is shocked that someone who made a character to satirize right-wingers is a huge fan of one of the most famous people to do that), this will continue to amuse me to the end of my days.
> 
> And on another note, in the time it took me to write this, Townhall, the Daily Caller, and WorldNetDaily have all also come out in favor of GamerGate. All three of these websites are also crazily far-right. Add all these plus Alex Jones to Return of Kings, Stormfront, A Voice For Men, Breitbart, and the American Enterprise Institute which have all been supporting GG for quite awhile, plus other conservatives like Adam Baldwin. But, remember, an internet personality test says that GamerGate is left-wing. When it comes down to a random internet personality test vs. heaping tons of evidence, you know what the logical thing to believe is.

**Author's Note:**

> Good news, everyone! If you would rather complain to me on Twitter about how I'm misrepresenting GamerGate instead of the comments of my story here, or you just want to make it easier for your entire hashtag to dogpile me and tell me to shut my whore mouth and that I'm obviously a dumb cunt if I think GamerGate has a problem with women, now you can! My new Twitter account is @PrincessMurica ("PrincessAmerica" was already taken). I'll probably tweet whenever I have a new chapter of this or just when I have some shit to say that wouldn't make for a full chapter on its own.


End file.
